Over the past several years I have had increasing internal struggles about my life. I worry about settling in and finding meaning and purpose. I have moments of intense awareness that this is my ONE LIFE and I want to be sure I am living it the best possible way. I worry about growing old, and even about hitting “mid-life” milestones. Just this morning I was evaluating my life situation. Am I here and now in the “right” place and time? How can I know for sure? My husband and I have made significant decisions about the direction of our lives recently, and I wonder if what we have done is “best.”
But this morning, I also reflected upon the well-worn phrase, “life is a journey.” And today, unlike other days, I had an epiphany about what that means for me. The journey of life is not (at least not for me) like a well-planned vacation with a moment-by-moment itinerary dictating my every move. I know some folks who plan their lives in this way, and, somehow, it seems to work out for them. I am not sure how! They make spontaneous choices like “what will we have for dinner” or “what color shirt will I put on,” but, on the whole, their life-plan is . . . well . . .PLANNED. My life journey, on the other hand, is more like an adventurous exploration. I have prepared in life for vocation and ministry, but mostly, I experience life as it comes. “Hey! I wonder where that road leads?” or “You know, we had planned to stay home and crash early tonight, but let’s have a party instead!” “Move to South Korea? Why not?” It is almost never the route of least resistance, but almost always a growing, learning, God-inspired faith journey.
So, today, I find myself in South Korea—in a great school with great people, and with my family with me at every step of the day. It is great! And while I am compelled to create an itinerary for the next . . . oh . . . 10-15 years of my life, I think I will live in this moment, today. I think I will keep trying to find contentment in the adventure and explore life. I will put to bed worries about “right” and “best” and instead, embrace this moment of my life as a gift from our most adventuresome Brother, Christ Jesus.
As it turns out, my journey so far has been rich with loving relationships and redemption experiences . . . isn’t that what The Journey is all about?
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Worship: Seeking God
My family and I have just moved to South Korea from our home in the States. In the States we have a beloved church family who worships in a liturgical style with Wesleyan theology. We love our co-worshippers there and we connect well through the style of worship. But that particular combination is challenging to find in the States--let alone in a foreign country, especially when we only speak English.
Our first Sunday here we joined a group attending an English-speaking international Catholic mass (the readers and servers were Korean; the preist was Irish). It was meaningful to connect with the reading of the texts, the Creed, and the reverence of the service. It seemed odd to find flatscreen monitors hanging from the aged pillars down the isles of the massive cathedral--practical, but odd. We encounted several theological differences in the service, but were mostly surprised at its pace: we were in and out of there in about 30 minutes. The homily was based on the story of Jesus' healing of the deaf and mute man, who went and told everyone everything the Lord had done for him though he was strictly told by Jesus to NOT tell. Point of the message: we should do what we are told and not flap our lips whenever we feel like it (my own paraphrase). Hmm.
Yesterday we joined a group of worshippers gathered at our school building, just across the street from our apartment. The worship started later in the morning and lasted significantly longer. The music was led by a full band and charismatic vocalists; it included both remixes of old hymns (with some puzzling lyrical adaptations) and repetitive choruses. The pastor preached a topical sermon--part 2 of his "Why Church is Boring" series. Hmmm. He had some good ideas. I connected most with the lyrics of a oft-sung hymn, "Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love; Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, opening to the sun above. Melt the clouds of sin and sadness; drive the dark of doubt away; Giver of immortal gladness, fill us with the light of day!" This familiar text (especially the lines italicized) enveloped me with the presence of Almighty God and enabled my heart to truly worship.
We have been 4 long Sundays from our beloved church family, and we long to connect meaningfully with a community of faith for worship of God and mutual encouragement. In the meantime, I did indeed find in these last, diverse Sundays that as I entered worship with a desire to meet with God, the Spirit enabled my heart to seek and find the Living Christ Present.
Thanks be to God.
Our first Sunday here we joined a group attending an English-speaking international Catholic mass (the readers and servers were Korean; the preist was Irish). It was meaningful to connect with the reading of the texts, the Creed, and the reverence of the service. It seemed odd to find flatscreen monitors hanging from the aged pillars down the isles of the massive cathedral--practical, but odd. We encounted several theological differences in the service, but were mostly surprised at its pace: we were in and out of there in about 30 minutes. The homily was based on the story of Jesus' healing of the deaf and mute man, who went and told everyone everything the Lord had done for him though he was strictly told by Jesus to NOT tell. Point of the message: we should do what we are told and not flap our lips whenever we feel like it (my own paraphrase). Hmm.
Yesterday we joined a group of worshippers gathered at our school building, just across the street from our apartment. The worship started later in the morning and lasted significantly longer. The music was led by a full band and charismatic vocalists; it included both remixes of old hymns (with some puzzling lyrical adaptations) and repetitive choruses. The pastor preached a topical sermon--part 2 of his "Why Church is Boring" series. Hmmm. He had some good ideas. I connected most with the lyrics of a oft-sung hymn, "Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love; Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, opening to the sun above. Melt the clouds of sin and sadness; drive the dark of doubt away; Giver of immortal gladness, fill us with the light of day!" This familiar text (especially the lines italicized) enveloped me with the presence of Almighty God and enabled my heart to truly worship.
We have been 4 long Sundays from our beloved church family, and we long to connect meaningfully with a community of faith for worship of God and mutual encouragement. In the meantime, I did indeed find in these last, diverse Sundays that as I entered worship with a desire to meet with God, the Spirit enabled my heart to seek and find the Living Christ Present.
Thanks be to God.
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